Forgiving as Christ Forgave Us

Nothing weighs on the heart quite like a grudge we carry against someone: an old wound, a friend's betrayal, a harsh word from someone close. Over time these wounds become hidden chains that bind our hearts.

Forgiveness can seem impossible, and our questions are fair ones: how can I forget? How can I forgive someone who has never said sorry? Yet the apostle Paul gives us a clear key:

“Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any; even as Christ forgave you, so you also do.”

Colossians 3:13

Forgiveness is a decision before it is a feeling

One of the things that holds us back most is waiting for the pain to go before we forgive. But in the Bible, forgiveness is not a feeling we wait for; it is a decision we make with God's help.

You may forgive while your heart still aches and the memory is still with you. Forgiveness is not forgetting. It is saying, “I will not make this person pay what they owe me; I am placing it in God's hands.” And once you make that decision, your feelings gradually begin to follow.

Forgiveness sets you free first

Many people think that refusing to forgive punishes the one who hurt them, but in reality it harms the one who refuses before anyone else. The bitterness we hold on to poisons our own hearts and robs us of our peace and our relationships.

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from you, with all malice.”

Ephesians 4:31

When you forgive, you are not saying that the wrong was not wrong. You are handing justice over to God and breaking free from the chains of bitterness. God alone is the righteous Judge.

The measure: as Christ forgave you

Notice Paul's words: “even as Christ forgave you, so you also do.” He did not say, as you please, or as you feel. The measure is Christ's forgiveness of you.

God loved us and reached out to us in his grace before we deserved anything:

“But God commends his own love towards us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Romans 5:8

God forgave us by his grace, not because we earned it, and we receive that forgiveness through repentance and faith in Christ (Acts 3:19). Whoever has tasted this grace learns to extend it to others. It is not easy, but it is possible, because the Holy Spirit who lives in us gives us the strength to forgive.

Forgiveness does not rule out wisdom or boundaries

Forgiving someone does not mean allowing the harm to go on. You may forgive someone who humiliated you and still set clear boundaries to protect yourself; you may forgive someone who betrayed you even though trust needs time to be rebuilt. Forgiveness is your decision, but full reconciliation also needs genuine repentance and real change from the other person.

The Bible gives us an encouraging example. Paul and Barnabas disagreed so sharply over Mark that they parted company (Acts 15:37-39), yet later we find Paul writing of him: “Take Mark, and bring him with you, for he is useful to me for service” (2 Timothy 4:11). Trust returned over time; it was not forced.

Putting it into practice

• Name the wound before God. Write down the name of the person you find it hard to forgive, and pray every day: “Lord, I release what they owe me, and I place it in your hands.”
• Examine your heart before you sleep. Are you carrying bitterness? Remember the command: “don't let the sun go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26).
• Seek peace if it is safe to do so. The step might be a meeting or a message. If that is not possible or not safe, pray for that person from a distance: “If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men” (Romans 12:18).
• Remember how much you have been forgiven. The more you grasp the greatness of God's forgiveness towards you, the more readily you will forgive others.

If the wound runs deep and you would like someone to pray with you, we would be glad to pray for you, or you are welcome to talk with us quietly at our weekly meeting.

A prayer

Lord Jesus, thank you for forgiving me when I did not deserve it. You know how much my heart needs your grace every day. Teach me to forgive as you have forgiven me. Give me the courage to release to you those who have hurt me, not because what they did was not painful, but because your love is deeper than my wounds. Give me wisdom to protect myself and those around me, heal my heart and set me free from bitterness. In your name I pray. Amen.

Related verses

• Matthew 6:14: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
• Ephesians 4:32: “And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.”
• Luke 23:34: “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.”
• Matthew 18:22: “I don’t tell you until seven times, but, until seventy times seven.”
• Romans 12:19: “Don’t seek revenge yourselves, beloved, but give place to God’s wrath.”